hie...

thursdae:

went for syf rehearsal...i wasnt luckie enough to join in da marching frm da beginning...i was kep as a reserve...i realli was so disppointed n really wanted to cry...i willed myself to join... my will brought me luck...at da last rehearsal of da day, i was asked to join in! da thing wasnt tt bad la...tho it was longer dan nc day parade rehearsal...

came back hme n did sum hw...poor aish was sick tt day...GET WELL SOON DEAR!

fridae:

farz shld hv reached melacca yesterday...HAVE A NICE TIME IN MELACCA FARZ! i think dis will b ur unforgettable n most enjoyable holiday...or rather most enjoyable part of ur june hole 2004...

morning felt v feverish...den when i checked my temp. , it was 38.5...but i din care la...i had flu n cough oso... den carried on w my hw...n when i tried to type da tamil thinggy, it wldnt cum...i was so frustrated....

den went for music class...i think i m gonna stop music class....da teacher dsnt take interest in teaching me...i dun need tt kinda teaching.... i can survive w my present musical knowledge...

den l8r came hme at 7.30...i forced my dad to go n play badminton w me...tt was where da trouble started...i was so fed up w all my hw...i was filled w fury...until i endep-up playing badminton for 3 whole hrs...i forgot my dinner oso...i oso forgot i was supposed to prepare my uniform for todae...i vent all my anger on da game...i smash her smack dere....den ended-up, i spoilt 5 shuttle-cocks....den came home, had a bath n den ate my so called dinner at 11.30 pm...den i went to prepare my unifom n i finished it in 1 hr... den went to polish my boots n finished evrything by 1.30 am...den went it sleep....i slept at 3(i think i m suffering from insomnia)...

todae:

I HATE MYSELF!
morning felt v weak n feverish...was coughin like xiao...went for nc...my hand was trembling since morning... den had PT...she said we shldnt report sick... i din dare go against her words...or rather, it is tt i hv so much respect for her...

throughout my part a life...i had only reported sick during pt for 3 or 4 tymz...but in my part b life so far, i hv reported sick almost evry activity, almost evry PT...is it da PT is tougher, or i give up more easily or my health is seriously deteriorating? i m confused...i m scared if i m a total disgrace to my pltn...my pltn mates can endure y cant i? m i a disgrace to nc?

i usually do 40 at hme evry dae...budden todae aftr da first set...my hand trembled more n den when we stood up, i juz was abt to faint when sum spec. came to my rescue...she brought me sum where n all i noe is tt i was lying down sum where...den when i was conscious enough, i realized i was at da corridor....n my hands were trembling so much...such a nice PT of 5BX 45,40,.35 n i missed it!

i din dare report sick...i respect her so much...n when i saw deir faces so angry, i was more frightened n in tt fear my hands trembled more...da moment i nearly fainted, i had sum sorta nightmares man...i was really freaked out n sweating like xiao when we were resting, b4 i nearly fainted...

aisyah was such a nice ic todae...she was so caring towards me...so concerned...haiz...so lucky to hv such a nice pltn mate...

l8r, i was ok, juz tt my hands were still trembling but i cldnt control it...den my NCOs asked me notta join in da marching... den mam goh asked me to go home...

strawbErrY is so kind to me...she is so caring...haiz...

i miss todae's rehearsal...haiz...

aish is still not ok...hope she gets well soon...

l8r i m forcing myself to go for dance class....i dun care...i die oso dun care...i faint oso dun care...dis was what i was telling myself todae during PT...i die, faint oso dun care, dun report sick...tt's y i nearly fainted...but i din report sick! :D

i hope i can at least dance well...

bubbye...


posted by battle between mind and emotions at Sunday, June 27, 2004