OUCH!

a bee or smth liddat juz stung me lorh...my whole hand started to bcum blue n is swollen now...luckily my granny noes da ancient way of relieving ppl frm poison...she sucked it out n now my hand is juz swollen..but is damN painful lorh! i hv a prickin feelin...blood is oozing out...my grandma says my hand will be less swollen or not at all by tmr morning...

anw got a lotta things to sae...

todae was a tired dae...had lit n eng den went for PE in council tee...damN hot man...we had to do 20 continuos burpis n had to run 2 rounds...dear mr samat la...mrs heng so nice to aish's class...councillors did not hv to do pe lorh...nvm...den changed to sch u n went for rehearsal...

den had a break...den went to help ms goon in da MPR...den had to help sec 4 to arrange chairs...budden cpl zuraidah asked farz n me to guard da front door to stop ppl frm goin thru dere...saw all my fav ppl...dey all looked at me so weirdly...cuz i was in my tie...

investiture was so touching...esp da handing ovr ceremony...den went to dine w da guests...den at da end of it, our ex-DHs called us and bid farewell to us lorh...i cried...dey made me feel more touched more n cry more as dey came n hugged me lorh! nicole gave me a tissue to wipe my tears...in juz a few mins, DHs changed into ex-DHs...haiz...dis will b da same way for ROD... :'(

den rushed to go for NC...budden unfortunately by da tym we went to join, da rehearsal finished...den rushed for htl aftr workout challenge practice for 15 mins...

da teacher...may i juz noe wat is his prob? he blabber at me when i was one of da 3 ppl hu has bin updating my things regularly lorh!stoopid!so frustrated...cant i get a break? hols got hw, sch re-open first two days got so much tamil hw lorh!

gtg
bye

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Wednesday, June 30, 2004

hie...

sch re-opened...so excited todae...

first day of sch todae was a nice day except for four things...

good things...

got council tie todae! i think i look like a nerd in it...i m spoiling da beauty of da tie...ppl wld hv had a heart-attack when dey first saw us in it...hahaz...

saw F&N n she had direct eye-contact w me....haha...sounds lame...
den had da same freeperiods as F&N...todae's recess was w yellow hat n F&N...

den F&N's fren acknowledged me first u noe todae?! muahaha...F&N wld b jealous if she hears dis(as though she wld)8-x(rollz)... den saw mangosteen n F&N practising or smth...dey were shocked too cing me in council tie...

anw i managed to finish all my hw except 3...hahaz...so happy...

got new form teacher, miss audrey neo...she is quote suitable for our class...strict while strict n fun while fun...she is oso our history teacher...budden she only replaced mrs rama n not mrs gam...i wld hv bin happier if she had replaced mrs gam...mrs rama wasnt tt naggy...she was juz negligent abt our class...

bad things...

sum ppl spreadin rumours tt i m fighting ovr sumone in her blog... when i m actually not! listen ppl! i only care abt ppl hu say da fact abt me...may it be positve or negative...shld be the truth...hu cares abt ppl hu r trying to put an unnecessary blame ovr me, n making up new stories n spreading rumors!

next, sumone i noe took photo of sum one n is refusing to show me...fine lorh! think wad...i m dying to c her photo...anw she agreed to e-mail it...if she dsnt...i dun lose anth...i can alwaes ask her for her photo...she wun refuse(most prob.)..
i hope mangosteen din get angry...i apologise on deir behalf...to her...anw nxt yr i hv to survive w out cing dem...

thirdly, todae had council investiture rehearsal tt reminded me of dem stepping down...so sad...tmr i guess my eyes r gonna b full of tears...

fourthly, sch juz re-opened todae n i m cocked up w so much stuff lorh! tmr hv investiture, workout challenge n higher tamil...den wed got physiotherapy(i m gonna postpone it to sum othr day, cant afford to miss lessons), den got sum rehearsal, either nc day rehearsal, or safti rehearsal or syf rehearsal....den hv to rush home for dance class at 4.00 pm...den 6.00 got tuition...den thursday morning got nc parade most prob., den got sum rehearsal, safti or syf, not sure...den fri morning got work out challenge final day n den aftr sch muz rush for higher tamil...aftr dat muz rush back hme to go for music class at 6.00...den sat got syf final dae i think...den sundae got tuition...in between all dese stuff i hv to complete my one readers' journal review, one tamil story bk review n tamil power point...haiz...

general...

da music teacher is v slow for my pace n dsnt take interest in teaching me music...he exepcts me to sning at da very very very exact 'swarasthaanam' lorh! i m not an expert wad...tho he may think he is...n i oso cant manage my time cuz got htl b4 tt...n den i may oso hv a lotta hw...n i m a person hu hates punctuality cuz i want early werk...so i usually try to finish my hw on fridays...n todae we asked ms goh to give us more prac...so we may hv loads of eng hw...so i m quitting music class...i can survive w my present knowledge of classical music n my grandma can teach me bajans too...so yep...tt's mi final decision...

memories...

last yr...dis tym...me, farz n 3 othr of my classmates volunteered to go for da investiture...n den quite sum tym aftr investiture, 5 of my class mates had bin selected to bcum junior councillors...when we were confirmed junior councillors, sgt calissa, nicole n dorcas brought us to one of da classrooms in da futura block n were toking to us...we had intro session...n tt was da tym when dey said "where r 1S3 councillors? better maintain discipline in ur class arh..." lidat lorh...we all were v quiet...now we r juz da opposite during council meetings...den aftr few days, we had a council camp...it was really fun...though da second day of da camp, saturdae is unforgettable...it is da day i learnt a lesson in my life...haiz...precious moments...i will nvr get dem back.unless sum miracle happens...

okie...
gtg...
bubbye...

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Tuesday, June 29, 2004

hie...

thursdae:

went for syf rehearsal...i wasnt luckie enough to join in da marching frm da beginning...i was kep as a reserve...i realli was so disppointed n really wanted to cry...i willed myself to join... my will brought me luck...at da last rehearsal of da day, i was asked to join in! da thing wasnt tt bad la...tho it was longer dan nc day parade rehearsal...

came back hme n did sum hw...poor aish was sick tt day...GET WELL SOON DEAR!

fridae:

farz shld hv reached melacca yesterday...HAVE A NICE TIME IN MELACCA FARZ! i think dis will b ur unforgettable n most enjoyable holiday...or rather most enjoyable part of ur june hole 2004...

morning felt v feverish...den when i checked my temp. , it was 38.5...but i din care la...i had flu n cough oso... den carried on w my hw...n when i tried to type da tamil thinggy, it wldnt cum...i was so frustrated....

den went for music class...i think i m gonna stop music class....da teacher dsnt take interest in teaching me...i dun need tt kinda teaching.... i can survive w my present musical knowledge...

den l8r came hme at 7.30...i forced my dad to go n play badminton w me...tt was where da trouble started...i was so fed up w all my hw...i was filled w fury...until i endep-up playing badminton for 3 whole hrs...i forgot my dinner oso...i oso forgot i was supposed to prepare my uniform for todae...i vent all my anger on da game...i smash her smack dere....den ended-up, i spoilt 5 shuttle-cocks....den came home, had a bath n den ate my so called dinner at 11.30 pm...den i went to prepare my unifom n i finished it in 1 hr... den went to polish my boots n finished evrything by 1.30 am...den went it sleep....i slept at 3(i think i m suffering from insomnia)...

todae:

I HATE MYSELF!
morning felt v weak n feverish...was coughin like xiao...went for nc...my hand was trembling since morning... den had PT...she said we shldnt report sick... i din dare go against her words...or rather, it is tt i hv so much respect for her...

throughout my part a life...i had only reported sick during pt for 3 or 4 tymz...but in my part b life so far, i hv reported sick almost evry activity, almost evry PT...is it da PT is tougher, or i give up more easily or my health is seriously deteriorating? i m confused...i m scared if i m a total disgrace to my pltn...my pltn mates can endure y cant i? m i a disgrace to nc?

i usually do 40 at hme evry dae...budden todae aftr da first set...my hand trembled more n den when we stood up, i juz was abt to faint when sum spec. came to my rescue...she brought me sum where n all i noe is tt i was lying down sum where...den when i was conscious enough, i realized i was at da corridor....n my hands were trembling so much...such a nice PT of 5BX 45,40,.35 n i missed it!

i din dare report sick...i respect her so much...n when i saw deir faces so angry, i was more frightened n in tt fear my hands trembled more...da moment i nearly fainted, i had sum sorta nightmares man...i was really freaked out n sweating like xiao when we were resting, b4 i nearly fainted...

aisyah was such a nice ic todae...she was so caring towards me...so concerned...haiz...so lucky to hv such a nice pltn mate...

l8r, i was ok, juz tt my hands were still trembling but i cldnt control it...den my NCOs asked me notta join in da marching... den mam goh asked me to go home...

strawbErrY is so kind to me...she is so caring...haiz...

i miss todae's rehearsal...haiz...

aish is still not ok...hope she gets well soon...

l8r i m forcing myself to go for dance class....i dun care...i die oso dun care...i faint oso dun care...dis was what i was telling myself todae during PT...i die, faint oso dun care, dun report sick...tt's y i nearly fainted...but i din report sick! :D

i hope i can at least dance well...

bubbye...


posted by battle between mind and emotions at Sunday, June 27, 2004

i m supposed to eat boiled veggie n raw tomatoes n eggs according to dem dis morning...i lurve veggie but now i hate dem as dey ask me to eat dem in a certain way, which is by boiling...i shall follow dem n eat it n den end-up puking...or mebbe even b4 i eat dem i may puke blood n die...haiz...


yest i think my tym was v nice...i found my lost readers' journal term 1...i usually dun lose things...so...i managed to keep it up...

i search n den came to sit in front of da comp...sumone hu seldom cuz online came...smth very happie happened... it was mangosteen n i chatted w her! she is so nice! although i was scared of her in da begninning....i m less scared of her now...

so happie! tmr got parade rehearsal...budden dunno abt sat cuz got councillors' investiture rehearsal oso....dunno which one to go...cuz investiture is on da first tuesday aftr sch re-opens...n hopefully dis sat can go for dance class...i really died w out it last sat as a result of parade rehearsal...nvm...i shall c wad i can do...

still hvnt managed to do tamil hw...planning to ask extension n muz show da htl teacher da list of hol hw we hv...at least if he has a heart...he wld give us extension...

gtg
byeez



posted by battle between mind and emotions at Thursday, June 24, 2004

so pissed off!

hvnt even woke up, sum ppl at 6.30 am, came to my bed, woke me up n started advising me lorh! wth lorh! n summore dey dare tell me i shldnt b so short-tempered blah blah blah...n i dun tok b4 brushing my teeth...so was trying v hard to scream back to da person...dey can show all deir temper on me larh...when i tell dem dis den dey wld say, cuz u r my daughter...so i hv all rights to do tt...but if i show my temper on dem arh....dey muz scold me back one u noe...i oredi was so damN irritated cuz of da comp...cant load power pt n cant load tamil fonts...dey say re-install ur comp den load evrything again...n my projects r due next wk...one of dem due tmr...my tuition's work...so i was so irritated n dere dey go shooting so ridiculous n silly qns at me...how dey expect me to react? i asked dem to down load for me dey say it is my prob...wat is dis lorh..so sickening!

during school days...i noe if i open my mouth to tok...dey will try to find sum faults or anthr n will end up quarrelling...so i juz dun tok at all...go to one of da two rms...sit down dere...study...do hwk...use da comp for a while n den eat den sleep...tt's it...now arh...my dad purposely moved da comp frm da rm to da hall...n he says i shld tok more w my family members...n yest...it so happened tt i was forced to tok in tt kinda irritated situation...den end-up...getting all sorta scoldings n all silly qns being shot at me...den when i tok back...dey scold me more...when i shut up dey say i dun react to anth n dey say tt i m disrespecting dem....i tok dey got prob...i dun tok dey got prob...wad dey expect me to do?!

but ppl hu read dis pls dun mistake me tt i dun respect dem at all...i do...if not i wun b staying here anymore...i wld hv bin dead long long ago...anw...dey r still my relation...so no choice...i shall juz shut up n act like a dumb person...as though i hv no feelingz...i m numb...i m in a coma state lidat...haiz...

bubbye...

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Wednesday, June 23, 2004

hie...

got lots n lots of things to share w u...dunno if hv da tym to blog it in one entry...it will be according to my situation...

saturday...

went for ncc! went for parade rehearsal...my boots' heels came off lorh! it kept on slipping me off while marching...n da ppl marchin w me arh...deir legs all long long...dey marched so fast tt i had to run to catch up w dem...juz imagine how awkward it wld hv bin to look at tt scene...ppl marching...one teeny weeny person running n spoiling da whole thing!haiz...my hair stood up when da ncc song was played by da band while we were marching lorh! i nearly fainted fer abt 6 to 7 tymz lorh...budden...my pride n honour in marching dere overwhelmed my giddy feelings n i tried my bez to get distracted frm da giddy feeling...den came home...but now i wish i had juz dropped down dere, dead...i wld hv bin da luckiest person hving such an honourable death lorh! death while hving a parade rehearsal...hahahaz...dying while marching in no. 3...wow!

sundae...

took my own sweet tym to wake up...fer da ferz tym i hv slept longer dan 7 am lorh...den went to science centre, to da omnimax theatre dere n watched two movies...WHALES n TOP SPEED...v nice movies...budden...da movies were v fast...n i became giddy n got a v bad head ache...so a pleasant experience turned out to b a painful experience...den went to boat quay fer lunch...i cldnt b lieve it lorh! my mom wanted to go to an indian rest...but i wanted pizza...but i din say it out...den end up...all da ind.rest. dere were closed...so we had no choice butta eat pizza...hahaz...den went to c da smaller merlions dere fer da 3rd tym...since now it was in a slightly dif location...it was nice... den went fer a 45 min ferry ride dere...aftr dat went to look arnd esplanade...went to c a roof terrace...was reminded of my 4-storey bungalow in my mothr land lorh! i m seriously home sick lorh...den came home at 11 pm...

todae...

went for souveniur making for council thinggy todae in da morn...we did it in da D&T room...den went for eye appointment l8r...my dad came n waited at da bus stop...den l8r met him n went to da eye-centre...wah lao...waited for 3 whole hrs u noe! dey realli tested my patience lorh! luckily i had brought my story bk dere, so was readin it...den now at hme...but dis is so ridiculous lorh! we reached dere at 2.30 n we left dere at 7.00 lorh! anw...da doctor said my eye-sight has gotten worser...but if i dun wan glasses den it is okay...but if it gets a bit more worser...den compulsorily muz wear glasses...now he asked me notta wear my old glasses n has given me eye-drops, but a dif one frm da previous one...

my sister has been so nice to me fer da past 3 days lorh...she evry thing oso...i wanna sleep w nivy akkaa(means elder sis in tamil), i wanna eat w nivy akkaa...nivy akkaa dis nivy akkaa dat...hahaz...feeling so happie...

actually i wanted to write a lot othr things...budden...v lazy to type la...

hahahaz...

bubbye...

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Tuesday, June 22, 2004

c la...i consider dis as a bad omen which means tt my death is nearing me...dis morning...met w an accident lorh...tt's y i went late for activity todae lorh...i woke up only at 7 when i was supposed to wake up at 6...den ended-up takin taxi to sch...near ghim moh...anthr car juz crashed to da taxi in which i was in lorh...

juz came back from music class...tmr got nc n dance class...i m juz living for a few things...firstly, for smth more dan my life...a millenium gift of mine, my dearest sister Nikhila...she is my millenium gift as she was born in da yr 2000...she was supposed to be born on 1st Jan...budden was given birth to by emergency caesaerian on Jan 3rd...next,my life, dance which represents lord nataraajar(lord shiva); my breath, music which represents goddess saraswathi; my soul, studies which also represents goddess saraswathi; my interest, NCC...n of cuz to fulfil da dreams of my parents...which is also sort of included in my studies...yah...dis is da very simplified meaning of my life...or rather the reason for me still enduring to live...

bubbye

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Saturday, June 19, 2004

went for physiotherapy...hahaz, so funni...treatment for a dead body...haiz...hvnt started on tamil hw...dead body doing hw, isn't it v funni? i m a burden to my parents oso...i asked my mom to cum n leave me at da rehabilitation centre in NUH cuz i dunno da place...den my mother said cuz of me she is v tensed...it seems tt she had a meeting todae...den i said nvm den...i will go by myself...she said i m a big nuisance to her...my own mother says i m a nuisance to her...den how can i expect my leaves, flowers, nature n others to support me n be affectionate towards me?haiz...c la...as i said...i m a burden even to my own mum...haiz...

l8r muz go for tuition...hahaz...tuition for a dead body...doing phrase book entries now...stoopid comp no microsoft power point! haiz...i managed to download tamil fonts frm internet...onli den did i realise my comp no power point...so dunno how to do da soopid projects...ooppssss!!! i hv no ritez to scold other things stoopid...cuz i myself m a stoopid person sitting down here being a waste...haiz...

bubbye...

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Friday, June 18, 2004

viLaiyaada ithu neramaa?
en vinaiyaalae padum paadu
athai solla varum poathu
viLaiyaada ithu nerama?

kaLaithean jenmam eduthu
saLathaen poruthirunthu
uLamaara unai naadi
unai paarkka varum poathu
viLaiyaada ithu neramaa?

puriyaatha puthiroa nee
aRiyaatha kalaiyoa
parigaasamoa enmael paRithaabam illaiyoa
kuthiraiyin mael iLavarasi nee
varuvai endru ethirpaarthu
vazhi meethu vizhi vaithu
vazhi paarthu varumboathu
viLaiyaada ithu neramaa?
-Nivy-

You think you know the real me
But not really
You see no one knows the real me
Not one, only me

On the outside
Im happy and joyous
But on the inside
Im suffering, alone.

People know the me I want to be
Not the real me
The fake one, the one I display
For the whole world to see.

The real me, I keep locked up
In a cage, in the back of my mind
No one can ever see her
She's wild, not quiet...

I can never let you know
Who I really am
I find it easier, not to let people in
For I fear I will be abandoned

Everytime I let people in
They see the real me
They do not like her
They run, terrified, so you see
No one can ever know the real me.

-Nivy-

ppl nvr noe, how hurt i m...though dey can comfort me, i dun really get comforted...i m hurt as a result of my own actions...but it isn't entirely my fault...how can i express? i can only open my heart, which is possible only after i die...but it will juz be full of blood, veins and arteries...only my true frenz noe wat is really inside my heart...i hv lost my heart n soul...i m juz like a dead body roaming about the world, being a burden to da earth...to the goddess of earth, Bhumaadevi...anw, my life will end when it is fated to end...i can't go against da god's laws n schedules...i can't change my fate...i juz realised tt...i shall wait for my end happily...

but i wish to achieve smth b4 i leave...i wld at least luv to fulfil my dearest parents' wishes...although dey seem v scary in my eyes...dey r still my parents...i oso juz realised it...i wish to be a gd daughter, a gd grand daughter, an excellent sister to my dear yonger sister nikhila, a gd niece, n of course...a gd fren...dear frenz...i m really sorry if i hv hurt any of ur feelings...n thank yoiu for being dere whenever i needed u all...i juz hv a strong feeling tt my life is gonna end very soon...so i wld like to take dis opportunity to apologise to evry one for all my mistakes n troubles created...

gd bye...

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Thursday, June 17, 2004

FINE la!...evry thing oso muz blame me one la...evry thing has a limit lor...so i screamed back...dey all arh...small thing oso my exaggerate...evry thing oso anxious...gonna play badminton later...gonna vent all my anger in it...i wld hv nvr played liddat b4...! luckily was chattin w flowers...flowers advised me n convinced me...if not i was on da verge of doin smth tt i m not supposed to do...but flowers is a v nice person...only for her sake i apologised when i wasnt even at fault...
BYE!

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Wednesday, June 16, 2004

alo...

yesterdae, made a cake, chocolate fudge...though oven wasnt working, i tried making it in microwave...n surprisingly it turned out to be soooooo spongy man...hahaz...all my family members took da risk of tasting it...*+,...dey all said it was wonderful lor...last tym when me n farz tried makin it at my hse in microwave, it turned out to be a cookie...hahaz...

yesterdae, chatted w CALcIum...she cheered me up soooo much juz by using LEavEs name man...i myself was so surprised abt my total change in my mood lor...i oso dunno wat LEavEs has done to affect me sooooooooo much lor...nvm...

todae went to school for PBL...managed to sorta finish power point...had a nice lunch in da church w tess n rui ling...todae later muz go for tuition...

while coming back frm school, i saw a baby n it winked at me lor!!!!! sooooooo keeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwt!da baby wanted me to carry it lor...den i did...it was so nice to carry...hahahazz...

gtg
bubbye

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Wednesday, June 16, 2004

alo...
saturdae...continuation...

went for dance...had a nice tym...gonna finish jathiswaram...quite fast lah...unlike my music class...planning to go for veena class soon...so exciting!

anna came home...i call her by her name...we r tt close...nice fren...but very old fren for me...she is 27 yrs old...we all had a nice dinner...wow! my mom had cooked so many varieties man...chicken tikka masala, chicken 65, steamed chicken, chicken w gravy, fish shallow fry, vegetable fried rice, white rice, salads, chicken porridge, mixed vegetable chicken soup, and the famous Indian Masala Tea...WOW! i lurved my mummy's cooking...

den went for a walk w anna, my mummy, n my sis...saw a 2-week-old baby girl...so keeeeeeewwwwwwwwwt! i carried it...da head was unsteady...it was shakin all ovr...hahaz...since i hv experience in handling my sister right from da tym she came out of da operation theatre(i carried her even b4 my mom dis, as my mom was unconscious after her caesaerian, *so honoured*), i wasnt afraid to carry dis baby...hahaz...babies r also something which i lurve!!! den da baby woke up frm its sleep...den gave me a broad smile...den we had to go...so i handed ovr da baby back to its mother...den said bubbye n left...

went back home...anna took her bag n was preparing to leave...i
was very sad tt anna was leavin...she is leaving for home(London)this thursday....so it wld b quite a long time when i c her da next tym...mebbe she wld b married by tt tym...now tt she has finished her Ph.D.....so both of us were sad...last yr she was da one hu taught me science n as a result i got 83.5 for science SA2 last yr lor...miss her teachin man...so when she left she hugged me n said gd bye...i literally cried...she too felt da same way...oh man...dat was da first tym a person, not a family member...neither a fren of my same age grp...had hugged me man...

hahaz...bid her farewell...n sent her off...

sundae...

my sister is so nice lor...my parents scolded me for smth tt wasnt my fault(as usual)...so i ended-up crying...my sister was da only soul hu even bothered to comfort me lor...she came, made me lie down on her lap, she wiped my tears w her soft, tender hand lor...den she said a few comforting words lor...she is da only person hu instills a sense of belonging in me, to my family lor...u noe how i felt when her two helping hands wiped my tears? i felt as though i had reached da peak of my happiness, peace, dere was no end to my joy...

but sumtyms she is quite irritatin, as in not really irritating la...but she demands a lot for my stuff...but if she dsnt do tt at least, den she is not a younger sister oredi lah...but she noes how to express her luv for me...da thing is tt i dunno how to express my luv for her...i m naturally an expression-less person lor...tt's y my compo oso no exp., no feelin lor...den my sister gave me 4 good-night-kisses tt day lor...hahazz...she is da first person hu can cheer me up lor...da second will be F&N, da third will be farz...hahahazz...

den went to aish's hse for dinner...wat a surprise dere! i saw yellow hat's class mate, rathi abhinaya...had a nice tym w da old farzana(my primary school friend), abhi, aish, abhinithi n sum others...den came home n went to after a refreshing bath...

okie...
bubbye...

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Tuesday, June 15, 2004

alo...
learnt smth new in da course...dat da difference between human beings n chimpanzees is 1.4 percentage...but da difference between gorrillas n chimpanzees is 1.5 percent...so it is surprising to noe tt we r more related to da chimpazees dan gorrillas r related to chimpanzees...

da course was very helpful...when i heard da 6 thinking hats course...i tot it is juz like othr courses...but only at da end of it...i realised tt it is world-wide-recognised lor...da instructor said tt if u r applyin for a job later when u grow up n u state dat u hv gone for da six thinking hats training course in ur resume under skills, u will surely get da job lor...nvm...

yesterdae went for music class...wah lao..i was da only grown-up dere..all others were 4yr 5 yr old kids lor...da teacher was goin at deir pace n we were singing juz sa re ga ma pa tha ni sa...at first second and third speed lor...haiz...planning to go for a separate class taught by da same master...either an earlier time slot or a later slot...

gonna go for dance class todae...

todae anna, my mom's fren is cumin to our hse todae...n i m makin sphagetti bolognese for her...hope she dsnt get food poisoned...hahaz...juz jokin...

gtg
byeez

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Sunday, June 13, 2004

hie!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR PLATOONMATE HAZI(HAZIMAH)! WISHING YOU MANY MANY HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY! MAY YOU HAVE AN UNFORGETTABLE EXCITING BIRTHDAY!

o yesh...todae is da 5th anniversary of da friendship between me n aish...hahahahahahahaaazzzz.......i hope our friendship is ever-lasting...

yesterdae was full of rushing la...morning woke up late...late for tuition...den late for english tuition in da evening n i oso ran outta foolscap paper...so rushed to da stationary shop n bought one...den rushed for tuition...haiz...my compo full of red-ink...hopeless case la me...den rushed back home as i was late to study n finish my work...so came home n finished my own homework...

todae...late for evrything...morning actually woke up at da correct tym...budden my mom said she will drop me...so woke up half an hour later n i got ready at da right tym but my mother delayed me for half an hour lorh...wah lao...den i went late for da training...den went for break den came back...den went for lunch...i actually came back early...budden last minute den i remembered i was supposed to call my mom...so asked permission to go down n called...it didnt strike to my dumb brain tt i cld actually borrow one of my frenz'z hand phone...haiz...den came back rushin...late for course again...haiyoahz...tmr i hv decided to go by myself...cant depend on my mom...

still got loads of hw to do...n got stoopid tamil projects...haiz...

byeeez...

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Friday, June 11, 2004

alo......

i got two interestin things to sae...in fact one interstin one n another lame one....

first one is to improve general knowledge...

a woman gave birth to 7 kids in da same delivery...doctors sae tt dis is a very very very rare case...i m really surprised lor...ppl cant even bear da pain of giving birth to one kid...she has tolerated da pain of giving birth to 7 kids that too in da same delivery...wonder how weak she wld feel now...but poor thing...one of da kid died...dere wld hv been a point in da woman bearing da pain of giving birth to one extra kid if it had been alive...all da kida n da mother r in serious conditon...da kids r under very close supervision of doctors, n r kept in incubation... doctors sae tt juz b4 da delivery...it had been detected that dere were more than 2 kids in her womb... i pray jard for dem to get well soon...

da second one is tt da pain in my arms r not da result of muscle aches but dey r sprains...i wonder how i can sprain my arms...that too upper arms...i feel so lame...my mum was relievin my sprain last nite...it helped only a little bit...now it is very hard even for me to type...but i can sum how eat now...

thursday n friday muz go for the thinking hats course...it is frm 9 am to 4.30 pm...so muz pospone eye appointment which is currently on this thursday at 3.00pm, to da next thursday, aftr physiotherapy...

todae hv tuition at 6.00...still hv english tuition hw which is a compo...den hv loads of tamil hw n a stoopid it project which is a power point presentation consisting of 10 slides...dey think wad arh...we so free to type out evry thing in tamil is it...? summore sum reviews muz type out in tamil n print out in colour paper...so pissed w dem lor...i m starting to hate htl lor...if he continues loadin hw like dis...i dunno how i will end up lor...i m juz enduring dis for da sake of my L1R5 in sec 4...haiz...so loaded...!

dunno y now suddenly in da mood of blogging...i think i hv been studying too much since morning n my brain feels tt it needs sum relaxation...haiz...

gtg liaoz...
bbyyeezz....

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Wednesday, June 09, 2004

hie.....

nowadays so sien... yesterday went to watch harry potter movie... it was ok la...u muz read da bk b4 watchin da movie...if not u wun understand da head or tail of da movie...sum parts explaining certain acts of harry potter n sum othr characters were cut...since i hv read da bk...it was easy for me to understand...

hvin muscle aches all over...cant even eat lor...now i m eating w an extra-ordinarily-large-handled spoon...

i still hv so much hw to do...stupid htl hw...muz type out evrything in tamil...my comp was juz re-booted...da tamil fonts r not dere...v hard to download again...muz borrow cd frm fren again...i m only dun w maths lor...n in eng, i still hv 14 more newspaper articles n many other work...haiz...

nowadays no mood to blog...i may not blog until i hv da mood...unless i hv very interestin things to sae...or i need to get rid of my burden...

gtg
byeez...

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Tuesday, June 08, 2004

alo....

saturday...
since morning was feelin dizzy, n suddenly got a flu lor...went for nc in dis kinda state...den end up reaportin sick three tyms lorh...i tried my best to endure lor...i really really dunno y my health is deterioratin so much lor...pt, reported sick, run,reported sick, marchin oso reported sick...wah lao...runnin arh...reported sick aftr 2 rounds lor...

i hv been doin 5bx at home evry morning lor....n my sets r 35,30,30 lor...dunno y i still cldnt endure during pt...haiz...anywaes...marchin, esp w msg rox man...we were hvin a fun tym marchin lor...she made us forget da pain n da hardship during marchin lor...

leaves was so nice to take so gd care of me...nature n flowers went for lessons...den leaves went later, while flowers was dere...

we had our nc session w out our NCOs...dey had lessons...dey were only dere while reporting strength...

we all were discussin abt da work out challenge...

aftr nc went to mobile for lunch...den came hme...rushed for dance class...

dance rox man...learnt jathiswaram, aftr finishin alaarippu...

aftr dance went to a relative's hse for dinner...came hme at 12.30 midnight...went to bed aftr a refreshin bath...

Sundae...todae...so far...

woke up at 6.30...did 5bx 30,30,30, lesser dan usual cuz hvin a lot of muscle pull...den bathed...was waitin for tutor to cum hme...it seems tt she forgot...so now bloggin, parents gone for blood test...grand ma sittin beside blabbering...advising...n tellin me her life story for da 101st tym...

aftr parents cum back, we r gonna go n watch harry potter n da prisoner of azkaban...

tt's all so far...if got anymore, will blog l8r...

byeeez

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Monday, June 07, 2004

todae nth much la...went to sch....hope not to get any scoldin frm anyone at least todae....yest i was practically gettin scoldings da whole day lor.....i m half done w all my hw...finished 5 newspaper articles' review, maths:did all da sums tt i noe, wrote a list of bks tt i hv read so far...cant remember anymore.....even if i remember da title, i cant rem da author....dey need a list of ten bks w deir authors....haiz....muz go n read more....n my musice class todae is cancelled....haiz....i wanna stay outta hme as much as possible.....

nxt wk i m not allowed to go to sch n do hw.....i will b goin on 10 n 11 only for a 6th sense or 6 senses trainin course or smth liddat(dunno la), for particular councillors....dunno if i m chosen in a positive way tt dey think i m capable or in a negative way tt i need more training....not all councillors r goin for dis course....ya la....i dun even hv a single sense...tts y i need to train up all my senses.....

got eye appointment nxt week...den da next next wk got physiotherapy for my ankle....den da nxt nxt nxt wk got syf training for my whole pltn.....

tmr got nc...yeah! i get anthr chance to escape frm sum ppl....den l8r in da evening got dance class....phweeeeeet! muz go n polish boots l8r....very lazy now.....

dis morn while waiting for farz, abt 6 guys surrounded me n evry one was smokin, starin at me lor....i really got freaked out lor....i moved frm place to place like a nomad....dey followed me lor....den i finally went to da bus stop n gave dem a stare....dey all slowly retreated.....wah lao....wanna follow me?! dey dare?! n summore i think dey all lost deir sense of taste n dey all cork eyes lor....follow me?!

farz is promoted to a corporal.....i m happie for her...but at da same tym i feel awkward....i m still a lancecorporal but she is a corporal.....nvm different CCAs hv different tyms of promotin deir cadets......i m happie w my rank for da tym bein...hahahaz...

i hv a few quotes n poems here tt i came across.....

1) "Your words are my food, your breath is my wine
You are everything to me."

2) "Never Have I Fallen"

Your lips speak soft sweetness
Your touch a cool caress
I am lost in your magic
My heart beats within your chest

I think of you each morning
And dream of you each night
I think of your arms being around me
And cannot express my delight

Never have I fallen
But I am quickly on my way
You hold a heart in your hands
That has never before been given away

3) "Your Name"

I wrote your name in the sky,
but the wind blew it away.
I wrote your name in the sand,
but the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name in my heart,
and forever it will stay.

4) "Love Is ..."

Love is the greatest feeling,
Love is like a play,
Love is what I feel for you,
Each and every day,
Love is like a smile,
Love is like a song,
Love is a great emotion,
That keeps us going strong,
I love you with my heart,
My body and my soul,
I love the way I keep loving,
Like a love I can't control,
So remember when your eyes meet mine,
I love you with all my heart,
And I have poured my entire soul into you,
Right from the very start.

5) "I Will Love You Forever"

I love you so deeply,
I love you so much,
I love the sound of your voice
And the way that we touch.
I love your warm smile
And your kind, thoughtful way,
The joy that you bring
To my life every day.
I love you today
As I have from the start,
And I'll love you forever
With all of my heart.

6) "My Love"

My love is like an ocean
It goes down so deep
My love is like a rose
Whose beauty you want to keep.

My love is like a river
That will never end
My love is like a dove
With a beautiful message to send.

My love is like a song
That goes on and on forever
My love is like a prisoner
It's to you that I surrender.

wow! all of dem r true....enough for now.....will come back w more l8r....

gtg
bye

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Saturday, June 05, 2004

so pissed!

i left sch at 2.15 when i m supposed to leave at 2.00 as a result of da circumstances......den rushed hme.....reached hme at 3.00....when i was supposed to reach at 2.45.....my mom not yet back hme lor.....

aftr removin my shoes.......i realised my leg was red n swollen....dunno wat happened lor....my ankle da permanent injury dere.....oso very very swollen lor......i think i strained my leg too much.........

ouch....tt hurts.....my ankle.......cum hme w dis stupid ankle like dis u noe wat i get at hme? loads n sacks of scoldings.....NONSENSE! i nvr use my common sense to call my mother frm sch to ask her to cum n pick me up.....yah......correct.....d u noe tt i dun go anywhere in my sch uniform? n d u noe how weird it is to go to a hospital in tt attire? i dun hv common sense wat.....i dun even hv sense wadd.....if i hv da sense day r tokin abt i wldnt b here.....my name wld b in guinness record.....

so now.....my eye appointment is postponed to next thursday n dunno wat chaos is gonna happen.....if dey cant sacrifice deir one day of studies for me......i dun need da stupid eye appointment at all.........aftr all i m juz a burden to da earth....y shld i hv gd eye sight? wat rubbish m i gonna achieve? NOTHING! in dis case y shld i waste evry ones time n efforts for my stoopid eyesight?

computer's mouse not workin...i m da one at wrong.....computer not workin i m at fault......dey dun use da computer at all u noe.....i m da only person hu uses da computer.....yeah rite....

dis farz arh....i came all da way to sch so earlie to do hw w her......she last minute cum n tell me she got cca at 10....if i had to do hw all myself i might hv as well stayed at hme....or cld hv cum takin my own sweet tym......

da eye appointment ppl anthr goons....dey called us dis morning at 7 n told us tt i hv an appointment at 3.20pm todae.....

farz arh....i asked her to wait for me until 2 she cldnt....she wanted to go hme w shaf....i asked her to wait juz 1 hr n she cldnt....d u noe juz for her sake i sacrificed my sleep(i slept at 3 am cuz of my sis last nite n woke up at 6.30 dis morning), rushed n came to sch......i sacrificed 4 hrs of comin to school takin my own sweet tym n my remainin 4 hrs of sleep juz for her n she cldnt sacrifice 1 pathetic hr for me.....d u noe i m so heart-broken n utterly disappointed w her......i m not angry w her.....i m juz disappointed.....but it need not necessarily bother her.......dis is da only place where i can crapp n explode.....so pls dun mind me ppl......i m sry it i hurt any one.....i wld only b angry rarely....when ppl go beyond limits or irritate me......other wise i will juz b disppointed.....which dsnt bother or offend anyone usually........

FINE!
i hv to bear!
ENDURANCE w disappointment ALL THE WAY!

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Thursday, June 03, 2004

alo

went to sch to do rest of da hw....wah lao.....maths arh.....out of 15 qn, 35 if u count evry part of da sum....i onli noe abt 30 of dem lor....5 of dem i dunno lor....so pissed....nvm....no one is perfect....but i m aimin to b no one....i noe i cant lah....but tryin to b optimistic.....hahhahhaz....

leaves is soooooooo chio man.....nvm...

u noe smth? my lunch todae is 2 apples n 1 mango....n i had it at 3.00 pm....nvm....i can survive w it....i m not gonna hv dinner too....hungry but dun like to eat....

i had da shock of mi life man....was sittin near da gigantic pedestrial fan....insertin dvd inside da dvd player for my sissy....didnt notice tt my hair was bein pulled by it.....i suddenly felt a pull on my head.....my hair was being pulled by the fan's wings....i hv developed a very bad head ache as da pull n da shock was very hard.....

oh......so happie!!!!!! i sent an e-mail to my dear aishu....hahazzz.....she inspired me soo much lor.....da main reason y i like her is b cuz she has so much wrys abt her studies n she is so hard workin lor.....she has continually been da topper in her exams....n she broke down when she secured 8th position in her ICSE exam....(10th grade) dis sounds familiar to me.....i oso do dis.....although i hv nvr gotten 1st in class in s'pore....i break down when i secure a top 20 position.....hhaaahahazz.....i noe tt sounds lame but is da fact.. n mebbe a bit boastful....but mind u i dun mean it.....

gtg liaoz....
byeezz...

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Wednesday, June 02, 2004

hie ppl....

i hv a second part of my entry juz cuz i didnt wanna make my entry extrememly long.....

oh.....dis is abt my very constant idol Aishwarya Rai....i hv bin likin aishwarya rai for a very long tym....juz tt it wasnt so much all dese days.....but i watched one of the tamil movies in which she acted, Jeans, today.....my god! she is soooo chio.....so nice......omg! now i m startin to like her excessively lor....i m so jealous of aish lor....she has nearly da same name as dearez aishwarya rai.....

she is my only constant idol....all dose nature, leaves, flowers, yellow hat, cherry, n mango juice r all waverin all da tym.....aishwarya rai is da only constant one......i shall call her aishu in short.....

she noes 5 languages.....english, hindi, kannada, tamil and urdu.....wooohooo! i noe a bit of hindi...i mean if i hear othr ppl speak i can understand.....i can learn kannada frm my mum, n of course i noe hindi n tamil.....but i dun care abt urdu lah...

her ht is 167....she abhors cockroaches....dey scare her da most....dey scare me da most too...she can survive on vegetables n dal chawal.....me too....she is oso possessive abt da ppl hu she cares.....me too....she hates gossips n hypocrisy.....me too....hahhaazz....

n her philosophy is very nice....here it is....
"It is nice to be important, but it is more important to be nice." i shall make dis my blog title.....hahaz....nice philosophy.....

okie.....i will sing more praises of aishu l8r.....
byeez...

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Tuesday, June 01, 2004

alo....

finally my com is repaired n is in workin condition.....i hv a lot of things to sae todae......

last last sundae......i went to ECP for a gathering.....me n my mom went for a long long walk.......we collected all kinda sea-shells......had dance class too......da day b4 da gathering.....had a nice tym w all da babies dere......dere were so many othr ppl dere.....abt 80 othr ppl.....but all da babies wanted me to carry dem lor.....i dunno y all da babies get very easily attached to me......i carried dem for a short distance n showed dem arnd sum places in ECP.....

last fridae.....which is on da last dae of sch........me, farz, aish n kairiya went to TBP.....had lunch....den went for sum window shoppin which i luv to do.....den bought a teddy bear key cahin for my sis......den dey wemt for htl but i had a medical appointment in NUH......for my back bone n my left ankle.....dey asked me to go n take x-ray.....aftr gettin back da x-ray.....da doctor said my back bone....he cant really sae anth abt da slight hunch......budden my ankle......he said my ankle is v lose cuz of da permanent injury happened last yr....juz b4 my camp, da day b4 my b'dae.......da day on da first report of da first SARS case......on march 18......he shook my ankle n i cld feel it wobbling......he said da joints hv gotten further apart frm each othr.....i m asked to go for physiotherapy.......haiz....

den saturdae....went for swimmin w my family....yesterdae had a nice 2 hr dance at home.......i was ventin all my anger on it lor.....my parents wan me to study text books again n again can?...goodness......how m i supposed to do tt? nvm.....

dis morning....so pissed off lor....was supposed to meet farz at redhill mrt station at 8.40 am to go to sch to do hol hw....so i reached da bus stop to go to clementi mrt station, at 8.00 am....den da stupid 189 came at 8.40....i heard dere was an accident in AYE.....so da 189 bus-driver is forgiven.....hahaz....i met farz at 9.00 am lor.....i m a punctuality lover n how can i b so late? nvm....it wasnt my fault.....

had a nice tym doin hw.....finished 3/4 of maths hw.....when i was at clementi mrt station while comin hme.......two gerls approached me n started tellin me more abt christianity.....i made two gd frenx todae.....one is 15 n da othr one is 17.....da 17 yrs old person noes snr maybeline.....

gonna go jurong swimmin complex most probably larh.....w farz aish n mebbe malikkaa.....yep...

gtg liaoz.....
byeeez....

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Tuesday, June 01, 2004