so pissed!
 
i wanted to go fer htl on tym at least todae...i was in da mood of learning evry thing w keen interest...so me n aish decided to go...so we called tt person to go w us oso la..den she sae leave at 4...wth lor..we leave at 4 den we reach dere at 4.50 or 4.55 can? i cant stand da teacher's naggin...dey cant stand my naggin rite..hw can dey expect me to stand his naggin? summore i was in such a gd mood as evrything todae was goin alrite...
 
i was so kind to let her make her own decisions n cum wheneva she wanted...so we left w out her..den aish dunno go where...so aftr searchin fer aish n since i cldnt find her, i left..wth man..saw tt person at da 139 bus stop n said hi again n she nvr replied...i tot she pissed off w smth else..den understood tt she pissed off w me fer leavin w out her...such a silly reason can? if she pissed off w me fer dis, i hv so many othr reasons to b pissed off w her...many incidents, i asked her to sit at a particular place  during free period n she demanded to go to anthr place...den she said, if u wan u go dere n sit..n she said tt she was so nice to let me make my own decisions..n i was so nice to follow her whereeva she wanted to go..
 
todae, i let her make her own decisions, but she was da one hu din wanna cum w me..well i din force her to follow me..den she end up pissed off w me..wad is dis! she has her rights to make her own decisions n i hv my own ritez to make my own decisionz..well if she pissed off w ani othr chap, i really cant b bothered..but y me? nvm, i m not gonna give up mi self-respect n go n beg at her feet to tok to me..all dese days, she onli knew my nice side..i m oso naturally hot-tempered but i controlled it so much fer her sake...todae she realli tested mi patience..i was realli v pissed off man! i mean what i say! i mean wat i mean! i say wad i mean! i oredi came n toked to u, u din wanna tok to me..well if u understand tt u were at fault, i m always dere fer u as a symbol of our true frenship..dunno if u considered ur frenship w me as a real, true n genuine one..but well, i did...i will still b dere..go think fer urself on hu is wrong..u did dis to me(mebbe purposely), but i did it to u in accident..u cldnt even take it n u r pissed off w me.. i m not sayin tt i m perfect..no one is perfect..u told me my mistakes n i m still trying to correct dem..nw i m tellin u ur mistakes..
 
my expectations of u: i wld like to make dis clear to u..u expected me to behave in a certain way..in da same way, i oso hv a certain expectations on hw my true fren shd b..last tym when u told me my faults, i din scold u..da nxt morning, tho i was hurt at ferst, i was da one hu came n toked to u n i m da one hu is trying to change myself instead of justifyin my acts further...so wad i expect is, u shd cum n tok to me ferst..i wun mind if u r pissed off in da beginning, i noe hw it feels..but i hope u wun maintain ur self-ego(i dun wanna call it self-esteem as self-ego is smth tt stops u frm apologisin to sum one even tho u noe u r at wrong) n tok to me..i dun expect u to apologise..but juz b normal frenz as we were...n u noe i m more hot-tempered dan u? juz tt i din show it out in frnt of u all...if i start screamin, i dunno hw ppl hu noe me as a naggy  n sensitive gal wld react...u had ur self-respect n so u din beg me to tok to u..in da same way, i oso hv my self-respect n i m not gonna beg u to tok to me..juz reflect on urself...
 
it wld hv bin v easy fer me to say sorry to u n hv a gd frenship w u..but in tt case, i m unfair to both, u n me..in wad way m i unfair to u:i m not givin u an opportunity to noe ur mistakes n correct urself..unfair to miself: i noe i said dis "true frenz r da ones hu accept me as i m" but u din cuz u exepected me to change a bit...n u din give in cuz u werent at fault..in da same way, if i apologise, i m givin in fer smth which is not my fault..
 
i may not b as matured as u to advise u as i m 372 days younger dan u..wad wld u do if ur younger sis expects u to change?(i noe u will give her a tight slap la) but i hope u wun do tt to ur fren hu is younger dan u...yep...juz think fer urself...
 
all dese may sound v lame n silly, but as u told me, "altho it is a v small thing, it wld make a big dif if u change"..u r in da same boat as i was..so pls try to change
 
sry if i hv hurt u or insulted u or scolded u...i wld juz like to re-emphasise: go reflect on urself...
 
anw, cumin to todae...
 
nth much la..had music..had a fun tym dancin w my swollen ankle..hahaz..aiyah, den went fer htl l8r la..no mood oredi..my gd mood todae was spoilt by smth..so restless rite nw..
 
bubbye... 





posted by battle between mind and emotions at Tuesday, July 20, 2004