Hie ppl

first of all, sry fer nt bloggin all dese days as in my comp, blogger gt prob..dis entry was typed by me in ms word..so ya..

Recap:

Wednesday

Had part outing..at pasir ris park..hired bicycle fer 2 hrs n happily rode dem frm one end to da othr..fengy v cute la..she was touching practically everything on da shore..dead crabs n dead fish..haha..da water was heavily polluted..poor dead organisms..den dey played captain’s ball..i played one game as da captain..den dey played card games n I watched dem too..oggy v cute la..as blur as me..hehe..gd company..den ate our fills..ha a nice tym..thz a lot dear pltnmates fer organising such a nice outing n fer calling me to join in! hv a fun tym ahead…hehe..

Thursday

Went to sch to return nc uniforms..saw staff sam n went to her…sgt zur came to help too..dey collected my no.3 n no.4 uniform…den I asked if I shd return my collar pin..n dey said yes..i took off my soul, my life, my dedication, frm my collar n handed it over to dem..I CRIED! Tears juz rolled dwn…I felt like my soul was being sucked out of my body..when m I gonna wear da prestigious uniform again? Hw many girls r lucky enuff to wear tt uniform? Da pride I had in wearin my collar pin, was all gone frm me..all I hv nw is da small hole created in my sch uniform by my collar pin., n sweet n unforgettable memories frm nc…when m I gonna march again? When m I gonna sing “bang bang left foot..”, “purple light”, “arnd da bush”,”we r da members of da NCC”, “dwn by da river”? n many othr cheers? When m I gonna b part of water parade, saying da core values, nc pledge n nc song? When m I gonna do 5BX? When m I gonna shoot?when m I gonna b recognised as a CREZ NC cadet? When m I gonna be a guard of honour? When m I gonna b part of da team tt is gonna organise da quest? When m I gonna wear no.4 uniform n do cca recruitment? I felt it..da pain in my heart..i m half dead…being half dead is worse dan being dead u noe…

Den staff n sgt gave me a black piece of paper, w deir message in it..i consider it as a recognition fer my dedication n commitment as an nc cadet..thankyou staff n sgt! n I thank all othr snrs n specs once again! Da only thing I m satisfied w is tt I was a strongly committed and dedicated cadet of crez nc…although not so physically committed, mentally I was ready to do anth..all dese days, I was in nc, goin against my parents…n earning a bad name frm ppl tt I dun obey my parents..but I din care..nw I really cldnt manage w my leg, n da doc strongly advised me to quit nc…nw I m no more in nc…I hv given evry single thing tt sybolised tt I m frm nc..i dun like to wear my sch uniform oredi…looks so plain…my love, life, soul, heart, breath…everything has been taken away frm me…my honour as an nc cadet..my dignity as a person frm da best cca of da best sch..

Smth tt staff n sgt had written: character is like a tree n reputation like its shadow. Shadow is what we think of, but the tree is da real thing.

Such a nice philosophy n definition of character n reputation..den I went to da toilet n cried my hearts out…den wanted to c mrs khan to join chess club..heard tt she wasn’t dere…den I walk here walk dere, so pre-occupied…den I got lost in my own sch..i finally found my way out of da sch..i din hv da heart to go out at all…dere was a magnetic effect frm da nc rm tt was pulling me towards it…my uniform…I kept goin in tt direction..haiz..i m outta nc as a LANCECORPORAL…I hv lost all da respect..frm my jnrs…all da luv as a pltnmate..nw I m a third person to bravo 04..i m not part of it anymore…all da care n concern my snrs had fer me…I came hme n cried summore…my grand ma cried too, seeing me cry so much…she was also a teacher fer 40 yrs n was incharge of all da uniformed grps in her sch together w my late grand dad…so she was v proud of me when I told her I was in nc..nw all da pride has gone..my closely related aunt was in nc n passed out w da highest rank in india..n me? Outta nc juz lidat…

Haiz..

Signing off w a broken heart,
LCP Nivetha.


posted by battle between mind and emotions at Monday, December 13, 2004