hey bloggie.. was juz pondering over yesterday's comments... well.. if my genuine care n concern turns in to a great joke, there is no point in being nice to ppl.. so i told myself.. to juz stop giving a bloody damn abt them.. that doesnt mean i will be rude to them or anth lidat... i will juz nt bother.. that's all.. let me see hw long i can keep up this 'dun-care' attitude.. it is very hard u know?? arghh!!

anyways..juz saw a little girl fall down on my way back home.. i badly wanted to help her.. but like wat cat said.. i muznt be too nice to ppl.. they wud think i m a nut case then.. so many ppl saw her falling down n nobody went to help her.. so dis-heartening.. i m still in a dilemma whether to stretch out a helping hand to strangers as well as acquaintances voluntarily, without them asking me.. i used to be doing that till yesterday, till i heard those comments.. well.. anw, i juz dun feel lyk i m myself.. this change for a day has made me feel as if i m living in a stranger's body, with a different heart and a different soul which don't belong to me.. i feel so lonely within myself.. an empty feeling..i m so disturbed.. i m juz waiting to regain my self..

life is full of ups and downs.. i hv been wandering into my past very often.. my child hood days.. my days with varun.. those 6 years of my life were the most memorable, most luvly, most carefree life.. at that time, i badly wanted to grow up fast, looking at all the grown-ups around me.. now i know how brutally wrong that is.. i wish i were still a kid.. haiz.. i can only cherish my childhood memories cuz i know that i can nvr become a kid again.. i badly wanna meet varun and tok to him for a very looooong tym, about our child hood..abt hw each n everyday went past like a fairy tale..how poetic those days were.. like a fantastic dream.. we used to be so fascinated with each other... with every single thing we did.. varun luvd me unconditionally, when we were kids.. i luvd him a lot too.. we were always found together.. whether we fight or we play or we sleep.. we fight among ourselves, pull each other's hair.. n then we will put our arms across eacth other's shoulders n start playing.. a kid's life is so wonderful.. no cunningness.. no holding personal grudges.. i dunno what kinda affection that was.. a very innocent, pure, brotherly-sisterly, friendly, genuine care, concern n passion for each other.. it was like listening to mozart's violin and piano sonata.. music by the moon light.. sitting by the candle light.. haiz.. the last time i met varun was 3 years back.. i was surprised to hear the exact same thots, sentiments n emotions out of varun's mouth.. i din know our days together were so close to his heart.. in fact, a lot more than that of mine.. i m blessed to have such wonderful ppl around me.. i thank god for every thing that he has given me.. all i ask for is that i want all ppl around me to luv me a lot n treat me as their trust worthy friend, whom they can turn to wheneva they r in nid of help.. that's all..

life is full of contradictions.. cruelty.. ungratefulness.. distrust..
the battle between mind and heart continues..

posted by battle between mind and emotions at Thursday, December 18, 2008